Last year, about this time, it seemed I had a mystery on my hands. I was in the habit of getting up in the morning, drinking coffee, and reading my Bible. However, I was in a rut in my faith life. I was feeling low, forgotten, and without purpose. But I was in the habit of starting my morning this way, so I just continued without much enthusiasm.
One morning I opened my Bible to find that my bookmark was moved to the first page of the book of Hebrews. I thought it was odd but just returned to my previous page. The next morning, I opened my Bible and again my bookmark was on the first page of Hebrews. This seemed too coincidental. After that morning’s reading, I intentionally put my bookmark in the spot I was reading, closed my Bible and noted to see what happened the next morning. Yep, the next day, my bookmark was in the first page of Hebrews. I didn’t understand what was happening, but decided I should start reading.
I read through the book of Hebrews over the next couple days, and to be honest, I was underwhelmed. With that kind of intro, I was expecting the words to glow on the page with the answers to all my problems. I wasn’t sure what to do next, so I read it again and then again. Although the words never glowed, as I read, truths and promises were slowly revealed. These truths were antidotes for the low place I had found myself. I began to have a renewed sense of purpose, peace, and faith. The book of Hebrews continues to be the place I go to when I am struggling.
It is not lost on me that Hebrews 4:12 explicitly tells us, “For the word of God is living and active.” And will move bookmarks, when necessary, it seems.
As a parent, I strongly desire for the Word of God to be living and active in the lives of my children. However, cultivating this practice has been harder than I expected and sometimes a source of guilt and frustration.
God has a bigger plan and purpose than I could ever imagine for my kids, and His Word will lead them to this.
Looking back on it, I think my biggest mistake was simply trying too hard. I didn’t leave room for the Word of God to do its work. When my kids were younger, I doubted my Bible knowledge and understanding. I didn’t feel qualified to teach my kids or answer their questions. Therefore, I felt awkward and didn’t really know where to start, so I would often just skip it in the busyness of the day.
When I decided that reading the Bible together was something I wanted to start, I thought it was my job to make it a perfect experience. I remember finding a devotional book with bible readings and science experiments. I quickly learned that science and having random ingredients around the house to do experiments was not my gifting, so this did not last long. Another time, I thought I should make a fancy dessert, and we would watch “The Chosen” together. Well, “fancy dessert” turned into Girl Scout cookies while we watched an episode with a woman possessed by a demon. My youngest ran upstairs yelling, “This is the worst show I’ve ever seen. Why did you make me watch that?” And the rest of the family just rolled their eyes at me as they scarfed down cookies.
In all my efforts and in my fears, I had forgotten that God’s Word is “living and active.” It does not need me to be a Bible scholar with all the answers. It does not need an organized plan. It does not need fancy snacks and experiments. I simply need to open the Bible and read with my kids. God has a bigger plan and purpose than I could ever imagine for my kids, and His Word will lead them to this. His Word will reveal his love, promises, and plans for them.
When I start to doubt my parenting, become fearful or worry that I am not enough, the book of Hebrews continues to be my encouragement. It is a reminder that God’s plan and purpose is bigger than anything I can do. I often go back to my bookmarked page in Hebrews and am so thankful that I was lead there. May it always be a reminder that God is loving, leading, and pursuing me and my kids in miraculous ways.
Kate Allen
